No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
