Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
