pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
