I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize