More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
