you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
