dude i'm inner monologue high
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
