My room smells like vodka and shame
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Shame - the story of my life.
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