Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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