this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
