I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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