let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
