i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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