I want to make a zoo with you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
