you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
