omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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