YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
