I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
