Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
