You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
