I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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