Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
