Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
