It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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