so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
