Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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