She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up under a house in Key West
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
