i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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