It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
