So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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