are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
