I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't deserve a penis
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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