I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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