i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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