I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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