I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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