i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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