Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
