I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
