A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
