you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize