I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
