That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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