someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
