I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
