He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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