I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
