Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
