I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
