Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
