I think I died a long time ago.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
