I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
