Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
