If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize