When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
