my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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