Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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