your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
