your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
