I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
