not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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