I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
