I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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