It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
