hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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