I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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