My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
