Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
