those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
