the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
